"The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs" from "South Park" was a parody of my real novel, "Bebe's Tale" (I changed the title, not trying to bullshit you in the first sentence—but it is one character, with a silly name.) I'd emailed it to Vernon "Towelie" Chatman. The book that makes you puke, but it's REALLY good. How did I even get their attention? The most ludicrously blasphemous, disgusting thing ever written (that might do it, right?) It's also funny (almost nothing in prose is,) if you're sick, and they sure are. Cartman: "I'll show you fucking 'obscene'" (this is what he was talking about. People sensed it was real, somehow, and they still ask Google about it. You can try reading it in Cartman's voice, like they might have. Author-Cartman sounds like "The Coon"):
After my website went up and they knew (I emailed Vernon after all this time, he's still worried about getting sued,) this curious scene of the character Bebe beating the living shit out of Butters' "personal brand" aired. This story doesn't make them look great, but I appreciate it!
I think Butters sometimes stood for Bill Hader, being younger and more sensitive than them. Are they concerned about looking like dicks? What is this scene from the 2012 episode (2 years after "Scrotie," "as months and years went by," like I said,) "Going Native?" Butters screaming at Stan about being selfish about his personal image (i.e. "personal brand,") and everyone else being a selfish dick? That doesn't really make sense. It's the first scene of the episode, unrooted, narratively.
Yeah: if there's something weird in a "South Park," it's probably something that happened in the writer's room that week. That's the rule. I think it's Butters-as-Bill Hader, being really upset about the guy who wrote "the Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs," who he feels like he's murdering. They turn it into a plot about Hawaiian Pon Farr. Which shows Bill Hader had a kind of freakish emotional investment in this, back then (also he was young and my emails fucked his head up.) If you don't get it, Stan is Trey Parker and Kyle is Matt Stone, Bill Hader was friends with Matt Stone first, that's why Butters is screaming at Kyle about "YOUR best friend," even though that makes 0 sense for the characters on "South Park."
I never caught that, then. "Shut up and do your job" always sounded slightly off to me from "Barry," but it accords with this: Hader did feel awful about it, said so, even started some shit. But nothing's what they decided to do. Even if I wasn't gonna sue them, so then it's a media story of whatever size about them being dicks? Why would you signal-boost that?
Let this guy succeed in the literary novel meritocracy. Except what even is that? Joyce Carol Oates wrote 140 novels, they're just there, nobody cares? Whatever. There used to be a kind of literary celebrity you could create with reviews and references in publications, but I'm not sure that's even there, anymore. This is it. Which Bill Hader may well have sensed, which fucked him up.
If we're doing "South Park" clips—and I know you people can barely read, and I'm with you, I watch Tiktok. So it's not a bad idea—this classic bit from the season after "Scrotie" also most likely a response to my passive-aggressive emails. Sucking up alternating with being pissed off. Note God smites Cartman in the end. Maybe getting a "South Park" episode about your unpublished novel was a gift from God—like those Mullahs called 9/11—but then maybe God was fucking me over, back, for insulting Him. You read the vile horse bit. It's pretty good.
Then the season 26 finale (after they knew of this website) is just saying my name as much as possible!? I went to a transcript, "Rick" is said 48 times. People kind of hated it! I emailed Vernon like "dude, don't ruin your own show to troll me," and he said they were mining crypto up their own asses, which yeah, that is how I'd describe it. Sometimes the TV really is talking to you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM-a3JzpXoE&ab_channel=TheTable
Back to "Scrotie." "South Park" quotes the novel's prose being about “the vag-frogs,” a parody of my stylistic idiosyncrasies with using hyphens and word fragments. I looked up the episode transcript to pull quotes, I almost want to correct them. "Vag-frog" is how it's formatted. It's a vagina frog.
"Scrotie" is the baffling episode with the book that makes you puke. It could have just been gross, but it was (inexplicably) "REALLY good." Like in a highfalutin way? It was weird too, about "vag-frogs"? I wouldn't have figured it out if the episode even made sense. But it didn't, so I kept thinking about it. Arriving at "that's about something we're not seeing," as you sometimes do, with "South Park," it clicked—and I did see it. "Holy shit."
The most disgusting, blasphemous paragraph ever written got their attention. It's like a much better “Aristocrats,” really, with more of a point, with the “big bang” capper—worthy of a good comedy writer's room. Or Cartman writing it. Not just gross to be gross, but gross to insult the Almighty—a higher calling, and more fundamentally “obscene” than that dumb punchline even the “South Park” version calls out as stupid. “The Aristocrats” was gross like “Family Guy” and my paragraph was allegorically, demoniacally coherent, like “South Park,” or punk Shakespeare, or a nihilistic hunter-gatherer creation myth. So it was vile, but really good, even there.
When somebody went to find more sick nonsense poetry insulting God, they found what David Eagleman saw. Less disgusting, more just phenomenally lucid, in some weird highbrow poetic way they weren't even quite familiar with, or knew was possible. Some bits were like a virtuosic assault (like when Randy's puked out, exhausted.)
The incongruence of the contrast set them off to the main premise of the episode. Somebody said "is it just me or is that book REALLY good?" and somebody else came back after an hour, solemnly, "I think it's like the best thing I've ever read?" (yeah that was Bill Hader.) And THAT was funny, just contrasted with the "Aristocrats" stuff. Where they'd started with "maybe Cartman writes a disgusting, evil book, for some reason?" now they changed it, and it was just kinda weird, allegorically—all the boys write it, so evil elements of Cartman are present in the novel, and...other, inexplicable merits? And they don't even really try to quote it (like the Cartman author bit they may have started with,) instead sort of making it seem legendarily both literary and disgusting, somehow. Butters can only do a bad impression of it.
I listened to thousands of hours of John Coltrane, so it isn't even neurologically normal. It's like one of those Oliver Sacks or David Eagleman synesthesia tales (I didn't even pitch David Eagleman with that, incidentally.) I was turning music into prose. So it kinda looked like James Joyce, but you could actually understand it, if you were game. And I'd been writing vampire novels in sixth grade, so I was pretty good, in general? I've never been able to pitch this novel, but it's "Whipping Post" aesthetically. Duane Allman was obsessed with "Kind of Blue," that's why he can play long guitar solos that are good. Same thing. I can't even read "Gravity's Rainbow" or "Ulysses." But I did know what the best bits in E.E. Cummings, Emily Dickinson, Kafka, "House of Leaves," James Joyce, Camus, Borges, Kurt Vonnegut, Stanislaw Lem should look like, and I was going for the throat.
"The very idea of losing is hateful to Americans."—George Patton. Let's continue to use TV and celebrity gossip to sell my unsellable poetic literary novel, which sounds like a "Simpsons" joke, or something, but that's what's happening, and it gets crazier? Sort of.